


A Bar Called Azarov's

by toastsen



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Arthur Azarov is not a nice man, Bartender AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Disabled Character, Domestic Violence, Evan is 25, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Philip is 20, Philip is 6'5 and Evan is 6'0, Poor Philip gets sick a lot, SWEET BOYS, Slow Burn, Something darker is going on at Azarov's, Teen Romance, This is my first fic I'm bad at tags, Yui and Nea are in a developed background relationship, domestic abuse, the Entity doesn't exist here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22254691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastsen/pseuds/toastsen
Summary: Philip has just moved to America to start a new life for himself, working at Azarov's bar and living in a motel room. He's struggling to make ends meet and suffering with demons of the past when along comes Evan MacMillan, a wealthy and handsome man who takes an immediate interest in Philip. It almost seems too good to be true. But is it?
Relationships: Evan MacMillan | The Trapper/Philip Ojomo | The Wraith, Nea Karlsson/Yui Kimura, Philip Ojomo | The Wraith/Original Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue

Philip Ojomo had known he was different from a very young age. His parents called them behavioral issues, but the dark-skinned male knew better. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be around the other children growing up- it was simply a matter of the way his tongue would become tied, and his hands would shake, sweat beading on his forehead as he tried to interact with his peers.

“Oh, Philip is just shy!” His mother would always cover for him, smothering him and speaking for him at every opportunity. When the time came for him to move on to college, Philip had to steel his nerves and go in with his head high and his anxiety under control. Within his first few moments of entering campus, he was approached by a large, muscular boy and a slim girl with bleached braids. The boy in question introduced himself as Zane, and the girl was his best friend, whom went by Aya, short for Ayana. Philip shyly introduced himself, and from then on, the three of them were inseparable. For the first time in his life, Ojomo had friends, and he could speak for himself. It seemed being away from his mother’s overbearing presence was all he needed to finally open up. 

It was at their dorm’s Christmas party that Philip had his first kiss. The tall, slim man had been standing alone, sipping his punch and watching his friends dance and interact with the other party goers. He wasn’t much of a dancer, but he was fine enough just watching everyone have a good time together. That, and he still wasn’t the biggest fan of crowds. From the dance circle of rowdy and drunk teenagers emerged Zane, his chest heaving and a smile on his face as he approached Philip. He wasn’t drunk, thankfully, and as he stood before Philip, the slightly taller teen took notice of a small plant hanging from the ceiling above them. He felt frozen with anxiety, and as Zane glanced up, Philip could feel his friend’s eyes burning into him. Zane’s breath ghosted his ear, and it took Ojomo a second to register what he’d said. Mistletoe. 

Philip had never been one to have many crushes or even think about kissing someone other than his mother. And so, when Zane met his gaze and leaned closer, the slim man stood deathly still, only relaxing at the feeling of warm lips against his own. His slightly lighter hands touched Zane’s muscular biceps, his eyes closing and his lips pressing back against the other man’s. It was Ayana who cheered and broke them apart, effectively startling Philip into nearly tripping and stumbling to the ground if Zane hadn’t caught him. The crowd of teens had taken a sudden interest in the two boys, considering Ayana was clapping and cheering excitedly and drawing attention to them. Not to mention they were holding each other and personal space had been forgotten. Philip, always the shy one of the three of them, had pushed his face into Zane’s shoulder to hide his embarrassment, and Zane had simply smiled, absolutely beaming as he held the taller boy close to him in a strong embrace.

Following that night, Philip and Zane only grew closer. Philip couldn’t deny the warmth and euphoria he felt when the other male was near him, or kissing him, or merely just smiling at him. The rest of the school year was a breeze. Aya, Zane, and Philip had some of the best memories made from their shared year of college. And when summer came around, Zane invited Philip to come stay with him at his family’s summer home by a small lake. Eager to spend more time with his boyfriend, Philip was more than willing to go with him for the summer. He fell out of touch with his family and even Ayana for a while. Zane was his constant, and his entire world revolved around the darker male. At night, they would lay outside watching the stars together. And by day, they’d swim in the lake and watch shitty horror movies and everything else you’d expect teenage boys to do. 

They’d been dating for nearly eight months now, and Zane had never asked Philip to do anything with him other than the occasional make out session. Philip had confided in him about his inexperience from the very start, and Zane had respected it and taken his time with the taller boy, knowing not to push him or pressure him into something he wasn’t ready for. But on a particularly starry night, the moon shining brightly above them as they laid together in the grass, something felt… different. Zane turned towards Philip, taking his face into his hands and kissing him lovingly and passionately. Whispers of I love yous and sweet nothings filled Ojomo’s ear, and the teen could feel his anxiety rising as Zane slid on top of him. Was he ready for this? He wasn’t sure. But when Zane gazed into his eyes and smiled at him, Philip reminded himself that he loved this man, he wanted to please him, and he wanted to do this. 

At least, he thought he wanted to. As soon as their clothes were off, the younger and more inexperienced teen was terrified. He kept silent, not wanting to ruin the moment and afraid of what Zane would think if he refused him now. His boyfriend was gentle with him through every step of the way, and still, it hurt. It was uncomfortable and terrifying, and Philip fought to keep his breathing regulated as his anxiety swelled in his chest. After it was all said and done, as they laid naked together beneath the stars, Zane sleeping peacefully away with his head on Philip’s chest, the younger man couldn’t stop the silent tears that streamed down his cheeks. He was hurting in places he didn’t want to think about, and he felt cold despite the warm body that was pressed on top of his own.

He vowed to keep his silence about the incident. How could Zane have known he’d changed his mind if he hadn’t been brave enough to speak up and tell him? It was all his fault, and he was certain of that. But despite Philip’s silent promise to keep his mouth shut so as to not ruin his relationship, Zane began to notice the way he would tense when they kissed, and the slight fear in his eyes after every little touch and kiss they shared. It was too bad Philip was horrible with confrontation. As his boyfriend demanded to know what was wrong, Ojomo barely managed to whisper out an answer. He expected Zane to be upset and possibly angry with him, but he had underestimated the gravity of the situation. Zane was furious, to say the least. He shouted at Philip, no hesitation in his voice as he called him weak, pathetic, cowardly. 

“After all I’ve done for you? You can’t act like a stupid child all of your life, Philip, and nobody is going to want you if you can’t even fucking please them.” The words stung, and Philip’s rising anxiety caused him to vomit right then and there, directly onto the older teen’s shirt. He was humiliated and belittled, and as he tried to leave, Zane grabbed his arm, yanking him back with a strong grip on his wrist. Philip was thrown to the ground, his ponytail of long dreads grabbed harshly by the older teen. His face was smashed into the floor, again and again, and as Philip cried for him to stop, something seemed to snap into realization inside of his boyfriend. Zane released him, a look of horror on his face as he realized what he had done. He tried to reach for Philip, pleading with him to stay, blubbering about how sorry he was, but Philip wasn’t having it. The younger man smacked his partner’s hand away, staggering to his feet and holding onto his bruised wrist as he ran out the door. His nose was dripping blood, and his left eye was swollen shut. He could taste blood in his mouth as he ran, his chest heaving as he put as much distance between himself and his now ex-boyfriend as he could. Pulling his phone from his pocket, Philip hesitated before dialing Ayana’s number. She answered almost immediately, and the bruised and beaten boy burst into tears upon hearing her voice.

Ayana helped him to heal, both mentally and physically, but Philip had already started to retreat back into his shell. He was scared of anyone that looked and/or sounded remotely similar to Zane. His sleep was frequently interrupted by night terrors, and anxiety and fear fueled his every move. Upon talking it out with Aya, Philip decided the best thing he could do for himself was leave. Ayana had already been planning on moving to the states, and so, having someone to go with her was just the push she needed. They somehow gathered up enough money to take the next boat out to New York, and that was that. New York City was bigger than Philip had ever imagined. It was also terrifying for a guy with major social anxiety. Using the last of their money, Ayana and Philip found a motel, where they unpacked their things and set to work finding jobs. It was exhausting, the city was huge and it was easy to get lost, and there were way too many people for Philip’s comfort. Days passed, and Philip was starting to give up hope, until he wandered into a hole-in-the-wall bar called Azarov’s. 

The sign on the door said help wanted, and even if it didn’t look like the best place to work, it was something. Arthur Azarov was a large, intimidating man. His grey hair was slicked back, and the cigar between his teeth glowed orange with embers at the very end. His skin was wrinkled and greyish, and his sharp blue eyes were enough to make someone flinch from their intensity. The suit he wore was perfectly tailored, and Philip had a nagging suspicion that there was more to this man than meets the eye. Azarov eyed him in a way that made the younger man’s skin prickle. Philip explained, through a thick accent and slightly broken English, that he was 20 years old as of a few days ago, and had moved to America to start a new life. He insisted that he was a hard worker and would not let him down. Azarov put out his cigar, smoke billowing up from his ashtray as he smirked at Philip. 

“You start tomorrow. And Philip? Don’t disappoint me. I don’t like to be disappointed.”


	2. Welcome To Azarov's

Philip arrived to work a few minutes early for his orientation, and was met by a short woman with a half-shaved head named Nea. She waved him over to her immediately, setting down the glass she’d been cleaning. Nea had been working at Azarov’s for the past five years, and so it often fell to her to train any new employees. The black-haired girl explained to Philip that New York wasn’t anything like the small towns and cities he was used to in his homeland. 

“It’s a beautiful city, sure, but that’s only what outsiders see. I’ve been here my whole life, kid, and I know every alleyway and street in this city.” The streetwise girl went on to warn Philip to watch himself, as drunk customers could be rather obnoxious and sometimes violent. Though Philip could tell by the way she carried herself that Nea was not someone to mess with. His first shift seemed to last forever- an endless cycle of refilling drinks and wiping down tables and handing out fries and other foods. He was introduced to the cook when he brought the dirty dishes to the back to be washed- a bigger man named Bubba. He was born with a speech impediment, and had some visible social anxiety because of it. He was shy, which Philip understood completely, but he was still kind. 

The night went on steadily, Philip slowly falling into the routine of cleaning and serving and occasionally taking orders. The job kept him on his feet, but it was uneventful and somewhat unexciting for the most part. The night slowed down around 11pm, and there were only a few customers left at the bar. Philip had been wiping a glass dry when he heard the bell on the door clang and looked up to see a tall, burly man enter the bar. For a moment, he only saw the silhouette of the newcomer, and he froze, his hands trembling and his heart racing before the light hit the man’s pale skin and Philip breathed a visible sigh of relief. The tall man approached the counter, a friendly smile on his lips as the man drew nearer. A white dress shirt under a brown leather blazer and some well-fitted black pants defined the large man’s physique quite well, and as Philip looked up, he was met with warm, deep blue eyes shadowed by well-defined black brows. The man’s hair was neatly cut, his short black locks slicked back smoothly. Philip hadn’t realized he’d been staring until the customer quietly cleared his throat, a smirk on his lips as Philip blinked back to reality, a warm blush on his dark skin.

“What can- can I get for you t-today, sir?” Philip’s already broken English was stammered through a thick accent, his honey-brown eyes avoiding the stranger’s gaze. The burly stranger slid onto a barstool, sliding his jacket off and setting it in his lap. Philip’s eyes danced over the muscles on the man’s pale arms, and he had to mentally scold and redirect himself as the man spoke. 

“Bloody mary. Extra blood.” The stranger spoke in a smooth, deep voice without batting an eye, his gaze piercing into Philip’s. The tall African male blinked quickly, not seeming to know what to do. Was this guy messing with him? It was only when Nea walked up to stand beside Philip, glass in hand, that Philip was pulled from his trance-like state. Nea rolled her eyes, setting the glass down in front of the dark-haired man. 

“Really, Evan? Can’t you tell he’s new? Leave the poor kid alone. And don’t let him bully you, Philip.” Philip wanted to protest that he wasn’t a child and was in fact 20 years old, but he kept his mouth shut and instead turned his head away to hide his embarrassment at the situation. The man- Evan, he now knew his name was, laughed boomingly, the loud sound filling Philip’s ears and causing him to turn back to the situation at hand. 

“My apologies. Sorry for messin’ with ya, kid, but it was too damn funny to resist.” Evan grinned, pearly white teeth showing beneath warm pink lips. Philip swallowed as Nea walked away, feeling nervous but forcing himself to appear calm. 

“No offense taken, sir. There is no need for apology.” Philip went back to the glasses he’d been drying, setting them in the cabinet with care so as to not break them. He was glad to turn his back on the handsome man sitting at the bar. After all, he had just moved to America. He really didn’t need to develop some foolish schoolboy crush on a man he had just met. Evan was attractive and well kept, there was no doubt about that. But Philip didn’t know anything about him. Risking a glance at Evan, he noticed a scar along his lips that dragged down to his jaw. It reminded him of his own scar, that went from his forehead to his eyebrow. Courtesy of Zane, of course. Philip shuddered and kept at his work, offering Evan a refill as the man’s glass was emptied. As he poured him another, he could feel Evan’s deep blue eyes fixated on him, and he offered him a shy smile as he slid the drink to him, which was returned instantly. 

“So, what brings you to New York? You’re clearly not a local, because I’m sure I would remember if I had seen you before.” Evan’s question surprised Philip, and the younger man gulped, searching for an answer that wouldn’t give away his shamefully failed relationship or the abuse he’d suffered. He wiped obsessively at the glass in his hand, his hands trembling again. After so much work towards keeping his anxiety in check, all it had taken to revert him back to his shy and nervous demeanor was the breakup between Zane and himself. 

“I wanted something new. Africa was not kind to me.” Philip murmured simply, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed. The man on the other side of the counter nodded in understanding, sympathy in his blue eyes. It wasn’t difficult to conclude that Philip was an abuse survivor. At least, it wasn’t difficult for him. Having been abused himself, Evan could pick out and recognize the signs. The older man sat up, cracking his neck and sliding his blazer onto his arms. He placed a wad of cash under his nearly empty glass, offering the boy behind the counter a friendly smile. 

“It’s been nice talking with you, Philip. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.” With a wave, Evan slid off of the barstool he’d been sitting on, strolling out of the bar and exiting with a soft clang of the bell. Philip gazed at the bills Evan had left behind, hesitating for only a moment before sliding them out from under the glass. 50 dollars? For a bar tip? The dark-skinned man’s jaw dropped open, and he made quick work to pocket the bills. 

When Philip returned to the motel that evening, Ayana was already home, sorting through the tips she’d gotten for the day. She had found work as a waitress at a seafood restaurant a few blocks away, and had already been bringing in money for the two of them. Philip couldn’t help but smile as he walked in the door, locking it behind himself and flopping onto Ayana’s bed beside her. As he pulled the money from his pocket, her jaw dropped as well. 

“Fifty-seven just in tips? On your first day?” She sounded shocked, and Philip nodded happily. They would definitely eat well for a few nights on this. Not only that, but they’d be able to afford rent for a few nights as well with their shared tip money. They decided to order pizza to celebrate, and as they ate the hot food together, a cheap movie they’d rented playing on the tiny motel TV, Philip was happy for the first time in a long while. As Philip showered that night, the water cascading down his mocha skin, he wrapped his arms around his torso protectively, gazing at the wall as the water soaked his dreads. Memories of how he’d frozen at the sight of that muscular silhouette of Evan made him feel sick. Zane still flooded his mind, filling his senses with fear and loneliness at every opportunity. He knew it was wrong and he had escaped a bad situation, but he missed Zane. He missed the comfort of being in his arms every night, and the warmth of lips against Philip’s own. 

After his shower, Philip slid into bed, dry except for his dreads which were wrapped in a towel. He sighed quietly, feeling rather cold and alone. Zane might’ve been a piece of shit, but he was right that Ojomo couldn’t act like a child for the rest of his life. He had to stop acting this way. Curling up in the sheets and blankets, the African male quickly fell asleep. He woke bright and early, ready for a day of work, and found that Aya had already left. After dressing himself and cleaning up, he made his way to Azarov’s, clocking in when he walked in the door and going to stand behind the counter. Nea was off today, so it was Philip and Bubba, and some girl he hadn’t met before. Her honey-blonde hair was pushed back out of her face, secured by a set of biking goggles. She smiled at Philip as she noticed him looking in her direction. 

“Hey, I’m Yui. And you must be Philip. Bubba says you’re new to the city, right? I just moved here a few years ago myself. I know it might be a lot to take in at first, but once you live here long enough, it’ll be like home.” Yui seemed nice enough, her reassuring words accompanied by a warm smile. Philip found it easy to fall into his work routine, and the day went on smoothly. Like clockwork, at 11pm, Evan entered the bar, going to sit on the stool nearest to Philip. The African male looked up at the sound of the bell, welcoming the customer to the bar with a genuine smile.


	3. Secret Admirer

Evan came to Azarov’s every night, and Philip couldn’t deny that he looked forward to seeing the well-dressed man. He always thanked Evan fervently for the monetary help, insisting that he didn’t have to be so kind but his generosity was appreciated nonetheless. Nea and Yui had started to routinely tease him about Evan, always nudging him or waggling their eyebrows at him whenever 11pm would roll around. His favorite customer had arrived, they’d say. Sometimes they’d even refer to Evan as his secret admirer. This confused Philip, because in no way was it a secret that Evan and Philip were always happy to see each other, though Philip wasn’t sure that Evan necessarily “admired” him. He was just being kind, obviously. He was a nice man. Evan would ask about Africa, about the wildlife and scenery, and Philip was happy to answer him so long as his family and his past were never brought into the conversation. He enjoyed Evan’s company, and definitely liked him as a person, but he wasn’t too eager to show that side of himself to anyone yet. It was after a couple weeks of working there that Philip finally found the courage to ask Evan about himself. Where he was from, what he did for work, etcetera. Evan appeared pleasantly surprised that Philip had taken any sort of interest in him, and so, he answered with a smile on his face.

“I’m the head of a coal mining company called MacMillan Mining. It was my inheritance from my father. He... passed away a few years ago. But it’s for the best, I suppose. He was a sickly old man and the company has been improving steadily under new management. It’s not exactly the most exciting job, but it’s my birthright and the pay is definitely worthwhile. How else would I have the funds to come visit with you every evening?” Evan chuckled, the deep sound reverberating in his chest. Philip wasn’t surprised that the American man came from money, taking into considering his tailored clothes and well-groomed appearance. Not to mention the generous tips Evan left him every night. Philip chuckled softly in response to the man’s rhetorical question. 

“Well, I do enjoy your company, so I’m glad you find time to come here every night despite being such a busy man.” Philip placed Evan’s glass in front of him once he’d finished mixing his drink, his honey-brown eyes warm as they gazed upon the muscular man’s features. Evan was undeniably attractive in Philip’s eyes, and he hated that even the smallest smile or compliment from the pale-skinned man made his skin feel hot and his chest tighten. As Philip began wiping the counters down to assure they were clean, he was startled by a sudden question from Evan.

“Are you busy after your shift? If you’d like, I could pick you up and give you a proper tour of the city.” Evan’s words sunk into the tall male’s brain at an alarmingly slow rate. Philip stood silently, staring off into oblivion before he finally blinked back into reality, his face hot and his eyes darting nervously across the room. What was he supposed to do? What could he say? He’d have to text Ayana for advice, because there was no way he was confident in making this decision on his own. And she was the only one who knew of his past. He was certain he could confide in her for advice on how to properly handle the situation. Ojomo gulped, attempting to steady his heartbeat and his voice as he spoke to Evan.

“I- I am not sure if my roommate has plans for us tonight. I will have to contact her, so- um- excuse me for one moment.” Philip all but ran to the back room, asking Yui to watch the counter for him for just a moment. With shaky hands, he dialed Ayana’s number on his phone, sighing with relief as she picked up.

“Philip? Aren’t you at work until 12:30?” Ayana sounded reasonably confused, and Philip took a shaky inhale of breath as he tried to get the right words out.

“Yes. I am. But- well- Evan is here. He is asking for me to go with him after work to see the city. I want to, but- after HE- ...I don’t think I should. What if he’s been getting close to me all this time to take advantage of me? What if he wants to hurt me? And what if-” Philip was cut off by an exclamation of his name on the other line. Ojomo flinched as he was pulled from his thoughts, and he could hear Ayana sighing on the other line. 

“Philip. I love you like my brother. I do care about you and I know it hasn’t been easy for you after what happened. But letting the fear control your life forever is foolish. You are a grown adult and have the right to say no. But that doesn’t mean you must.” Ayana was quiet as she let her words sink in, Philip sighing heavily as he knew she was right. She always was when it came to things like these. The African man ran a shaky hand through his long dreads, twisting and rolling one between his fingers in an attempt to calm his fluctuating anxiety. His inner turmoil mixed with his desire to spend time with Evan was quickly giving him a migraine. Pinching his temples, Ojomo groaned.

“You’re right.”

Philip caught Evan’s gaze as soon as he returned from the back room. The short-haired man smiled, sitting up and taking a sip of his drink. The tall African male returned the smile, trying to appear as confident and calm as he possibly could be. 

“As it turns out, I am free tonight. I would be pleased to explore the city with you.” Philip’s golden-brown eyes searched Evan’s expression for any signs of malice or dishonest intent, but the man looked genuinely pleased at Philip’s acceptance of his invitation. With a promise that he’d be back after the bar closed, Evan left, and Philip stared after him, hearing the bell on the door clang and watching it swing shut. The rest of the evening seemed to drag on forever. By the end of the night, Philip had managed to collect thirty dollars in tips. Which wasn’t bad, considering only ten of it had been from Evan that night. The tall male was eager to leave as they closed up the bar, and he waved Yui and Bubba off as they went their separate ways. The dark-skinned male jumped, startled by a sudden tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see Evan. He hadn’t really noticed before, but the American man was barely shorter than him. Which was fairly surprising, considering that Philip had always thought of himself as being very tall. As he gazed silently at the man, a blush rapidly covered his cheeks as he realized Evan was waiting for an answer. 

“I- w-what?” He stammered lamely. “I didn’t hear you, my apologies..” Philip trailed off as Evan laughed heartily at the situation. The burly man smiled up at him. “I asked if you were okay with us walking. It is rather breezy tonight, after all, and I don’t know how tolerant you are of cold weather.” Philip was quick to insist that he would be fine, and that there was no need to worry about him. Sticking his hands in the pockets of his sweater, he smiled down at Evan, asking him to lead the way. And lead the way he did. They began their stroll through New York together, Evan pointing out various landmarks and buildings as they went. He motioned towards a compact-looking skyscraper with the name “MacMillan” on the side. His company’s main building. Philip listened to everything the man had to say, nodding along and finding the city very interesting to learn about. He had always dreamed of coming to America, just to see what it was like. And now, here he was, being given a personal tour by a very attractive and very charming American man. They stopped at Central Park, where Evan would point out his favorite places to sit and watch the birds, or just relax by himself. It was hard to find alone time in the big city, as he explained begrudgingly to Philip. 

The night was still young, it wasn’t yet 1am and Philip was already laughing and chattering away with the MacMillan man. Evan was easily capable of making him laugh, and he liked that about him. It had been much too long since he’d enjoyed someone’s company like this. Other than Ayana, but that was admittedly a bit different. 

“So, do you like it here? I mean, it must be a big change from what you’re used to, but I think you fit in quite nicely.” Evan spoke smoothly, his honey-sweet and low voice making Philip feel at ease. The African man hesitated before answering. 

“Yes, I do. I miss my family at times, but I know I made the right choice. This is where I should be. At least, for now.” Philip’s hand brushed against Evan’s as they walked, and he was quick to recoil, exclaiming an apology and looking mortified. “I am very sorry, I did not mean to- I mean, I wouldn’t—“ Philip broke off as Evan chuckled, merely shaking his head. He assured him that he wasn’t upset or anything of the sort, and that Philip needn’t worry about it. The taller man glanced shyly into deep blue eyes, relieved that Evan wasn’t angry. He hated himself for worrying at the smallest things, but after Zane had snapped over seemingly nothing, he was terrified of making people angry or messing anything up. He didn’t want to repeat his past mistakes. Not that he was afraid of Evan being anything like Zane. The two men walked together and talked like old friends until a glance at his watch told Philip it was almost two in the morning. 

“I should get home. I don’t want my roommate to worry for me.” Philip announced. Evan looked disappointed for only a moment before he nodded in understanding. He insisted on walking Philip home, and though Philip wasn’t eager for the man to find out he lived in a motel, he didn’t really love the idea of walking home alone in an unfamiliar city. Evan hummed a soft tune as they made their way to the motel, and it was music to Philip’s ears. The African male smiled for no reason in particular, other than the fact that he was enjoying himself. The streetlights and headlights of passing cars reflected in the blue depths of Evan’s eyes, and Philip found himself staring at Evan in awe. He was pulled out of his trance as he nearly tripped over his own feet from a crack in the sidewalk. Evan just barely caught him, grabbing his hand and sliding an arm behind his back to steady him. 

“Woah! Hey, hey, are you alright? Philip?” There was concern clear on Evan’s expression and in his voice as he gazed upon the African male who was still in his arms. Philip straightened himself out quickly, shying away from Evan’s hold and turning his head away in an embarrassed manner. 

“I am okay, thank you. Stupid sidewalk.” Philip grumbled, shyly scratching the back of his neck. Evan seemed to take a moment to assess the situation, and with a sigh and a warm smile, he laughed fondly at Philip’s near accident. 

“Yeah, they should probably fix that, hm? Come along, we’re almost there.” Philip gazed straight ahead so as to make sure he didn’t trip again, shame and embarrassment making his skin feel hot and tingly as he followed along slightly behind Evan. 

A bittersweet feeling welled up inside of Ojomo as they stood in front of the front doors to the motel. He didn’t want to say goodbye just yet, but he had no reason to keep Evan any longer than he already had. He pushed his fingers through his dreadlocks, smiling shyly at Evan, who returned the smile with a warm grin. 

“Thank you for showing me around tonight. It was nice to get out for something other than work.” Philip’s honey-brown eyes shone with gratitude and something else, something deeper as he gazed at Evan.  
“It was my pleasure, Philip. I find your company to be rather pleasant, so it’s lucky for me that I find myself in it so often.” They shared a laugh at Evan’s response. They both knew it was Evan who came to visit Philip every night, and not some random luck, but it was good to hear the muscular man say nonetheless. 

“Well.. goodnight. And thank you again, Evan. I’m sure I will see you tomorrow.” The younger man flashed a shy smile at Evan, and he could’ve sworn he saw something change in the other man’s expression, but he could’ve simply imagined it. 

“Goodnight, Philip. I’ll see you soon.” Evan waved slightly, the promise of seeing him tomorrow making Philip sigh softly and happily. He watched him walk away before turning towards the door of his shared room with Ayana and entering. He locked the door quietly behind himself, hoping he hadn’t woken Ayana, by gave a startled cry as she all but pounced on him. 

“I was watching through the window! My goodness, Philip, you sure know how to pick ‘em. He is very handsome. And asking you on a date so soon! You should feel special.” Philip’s face heated up rapidly, and he scoffed disbelievingly. 

“It’s not like that, Aya. It was not a “date.” He was simply being kind.” Ayana rolled her eyes, a smile on her lips as she strolled away to ready herself for bed. Philip’s mind was distracted as he undressed and showered, staring at himself in the mirror with only a towel around his waist for quite some time afterwards. Why would Evan like him in that way? What could he possibly offer the rich man? He was a college dropout, living in a cheap motel and working at a low paying job. But he was undoubtedly starting to feel something for Evan, much as he hated to think about it. Philip squeezed the excess water from his hair, his eyes finding the scar on his eyebrow in his mirrored reflection. It was such an ugly sight. But then again, Evan himself had a painful-looking scar on his jaw, upsetting his handsome features. Philip could hear his mother now, telling him scars were a sign of survival through hard times, and they didn’t define who a person was. She had told him the very same thing when he had scraped his knees on the pavement as a child. Philip sighed, dressing himself in pajamas and flopping into his bed. 

He would see Evan again. Falling asleep with this thought in his mind, Philip smiled.


	4. Spy

Since his interview, Philip had only seen Azarov but a handful of times. The older man didn’t seem to care much for formalities or much interaction at all with his employees. So it was quite a surprise to the African male when he was summoned to the back office of the bar by the man himself. Arthur Azarov was an intimidating and formidable man, and Philip shifted nervously in his seat as his boss eyed him before addressing him. 

“So, Philip. I’ve been told that your work has been exceptional for someone so new. Bringing in the most tips, becoming a favorite to our customers.. A certain one in particular, from what I’ve heard.” A full-body chill made Philip shudder. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as Azarov gazed at him, his pale blue eyes filled with something.. Dangerous. Something dark. Ojomo swallowed quietly, feeling rather uncomfortable with the situation at hand.

“Yes, some of the customers have taken a liking to me. I have tried my best to be kind to everyone and serve them efficiently.” Philip’s eyes widened as Azarov stubbed his cigar out, leaning forward across the table. The greying man gazed down at Philip, and the African male had to force himself to stay calm and not immediately bolt away. Azarov’s breath was sour and tainted with smoke as he all but spat in Philip’s face.

“Evan MacMillan has been coming in here to see YOU. Now, why is that? Who knows. But what I do know is that our history with the MacMillan family isn’t something I can forgive and forget. Archie MacMillan was a horrid bastard and his son is no different. Now, if you want to keep your job, then listen to me and listen good.” The click of something below Azarov’s desk and the anger that flashed in the old man’s eyes sent a jolt of panic throughout Philip’s body. He was being threatened with a gun. This man could kill him. He shrank down in his seat, his body trembling with fear. 

“You are going to get close to Evan MacMillan. I don’t give a flying fuck what you have to do. And once he trusts you, then we’ll strike. You will report back to me every other week about your progress. And if you fail to do so, then you will be the one who falls. Do I make myself clear, Philip?” 

“Y-yes sir. I understand.” Philip whispered meekly. Azarov sat back in his chair, looking pleased. He dismissed Philip, and the poor man had left the room quickly, his heart pounding and his anxiety rising rapidly. Rushing to the bar’s restroom, Philip stumbled into an open stall and vomited.

Evan’s arrival that night, whilst usually being something that sparked joy in Philip’s chest, was now the trigger of a sense of deep foreboding and uneasiness. As the American man smiled and waved in Philip’s direction, the tall male turned his head, wiping fixedly at the table he was standing at. He picked up the empty glasses on the table as the MacMillan man approached, speed-walking all the way back to the dishes. He cleaned the glasses slowly, anxiety bubbling up like lava in his insides. He could hear Evan asking Nea is anything was wrong, to which she responded with a confused tone of voice. Philip didn’t hear what exactly she said, as he had made a point to zone out and block out the white noise from the front of the bar. He was startled and nearly dropped the glass in his hands as Bubba spoke from behind him.

“Shouldn’t ya be up front? I-I thought serving that guy was yer job.” Maybe it was merely his own internal paranoia, but Philip swore he could detect an underlying threat to the man’s words, and suddenly, he felt unsafe. Were all of his coworkers just minions of Azarov? He didn’t want to believe that Yui or Nea would sell him out like that. 

“I was just cleaning up a bit first. I- I should go back.” Philip could feel Evan’s eyes on him as he approached the counter, and he made an effort to smile. 

“It’s good to see you, Evan. The usual today, I’m assuming?” Philip fought to calm his nerves as he spoke, sweat beading on his forehead and his hands feeling clammy and cold. If Evan noticed, he didn’t say anything, and instead just simply nodded. As Philip handed him his drink, the American man murmured his thanks and took a long gulp. Evan could tell that Philip was distracted tonight, if the way he avoided eye contact and seemed to be zoned out at all times was any sort of hint to his conclusion. 

“Is anything bothering you, Philip? You’re quiet tonight.” Evan’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, and Ojomo chewed nervously at the insides of his lips. How could he act normal with Evan when he’d essentially been told to spy on him and gain his trust only to betray it? The African male sighed, rubbing his temples before responding.

“I am just.. Very tired. There is no need for concern.” Philp’s response was mumbled, and although he could feel Evan’s eyes on him, the older man didn’t press him about it. A few moments of silence passed between them, and Philip didn’t have the heart to break it. Evan stared calmly at Philip, his deep blue eyes fixated on the younger man. “..you know, if something is bothering you, it’s best to get it out, rather than granting it the power to eat you up inside. Maybe I could help out? I don’t mind lending an ear to listen.” Philip mentally groaned at Evan’s kind words. Why did he have to be so nice to him? He felt like a rat. But he couldn’t lose his job, and he had a feeling that Azarov wasn’t going to let him go that easily. 

“Honestly, I feel.. stressed, and rather overburdened by things that are happening recently. I could use a break from everything but in my situation it’s unrealistic.” Philip sighed, his shoulders slouching with defeat. He didn’t know what he could do about the situation. Was Azarov trying to KILL Evan? He couldn’t bear to think that he was being used to harm someone indirectly. Evan offered a gentle smile, lifting his hand as if to give Philip’s a reassuring squeeze, but withdrawing it hastily as he realized how inappropriate that might be. 

“Maybe it isn’t so far fetched to think you might need a day off. You’re working closing shifts every day, yeah? Maybe someone could cover your shift, for you. It sounds rather exhausting.” Philip hesitated to answer. He knew Nea or Yui would cover for him, but what good would it do to sit at home and marinate in his depressing thoughts?  
“It is tiring,” Philip agreed, “but necessary if I want to pay my rent and feed myself. I can’t expect Ayana to pay for everything.” 

“Ayana, your roommate? From what you’ve told me about her, I’m sure she’ll understand you wanting a day off. She is a good friend to you, Philip. You’ve told me this time and time again. So what’s stopping you?” Evan looked confused now, as if he couldn’t truly believe that Philip had a legitimate reason that would prevent him from taking a self-care day.

“If I take a day off, all I will end up doing is sitting at home all by myself. And what good would it do me to let the negative thoughts in my head fester up and infect my mood?” Philip sounded utterly helpless and frustrated, and Evan was quick to pick up on the younger man’s aggravation, and in a moment of genius, he replied, “Who said you’d be alone?” Smooth.

“Wh- I-.. but you have to work. I.. I am unimportant.” Philip blurted the words out, feeling somewhat foolish for saying such a thing. Evan was a grown man and it was none of Philip’s business what he chose to do with his time. They were barely even friends, and the taller man had no right to tell Evan what to do. Evan simply shook his head, a small smile on his lips. 

“Philip, you have worth. You do matter, and you make countless people smile every day without even realizing it. You are a kind soul, and you are certainly important to anyone who knows you. It is my choice to want to spend time with you, if you’ll allow it, and you won’t convince me that you aren’t worth my time and undivided attention.” Evan’s words made a new feeling form in Philip’s chest. An eruption of warmth and gratitude filled his insides, happiness blooming in his heart and his mind. Evan, someone who had only known him for nearly a month now, already considered Philip to be worth something. The African male could feel a hot flush spread over his face and all the way to the tips of his ears, and he smiled shyly at the man across the counter. 

“Thank you, Evan. You are too kind, really. I am glad to have met you.” Philip’s accent was thicker as he murmured his bashful response. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Nea smirking at them with a knowing look in her eyes. Evan watched him closely, noticing the blush upon his face and taking an immediate interest in it.

“So, what do you say we take a day off and do something fun together?” Evan’s offer hung in the air, met by only the ambiance of the people talking around them and the televisions that hung on the walls. Philip then nodded, a smile appearing on his lips as he gazed at Evan. The MacMillan man returned the smile, sipping his drink thoughtfully. 

“There’s a theater a few blocks from here, actually. We could grab some lunch somewhere and catch a movie, if you’d like. My treat, of course.” Evan’s eager tone of voice and the shining depths of his blue eyes made it nearly impossible for Philip to refuse. The African man smiled, his golden-brown eyes staring into Evan’s for a few moments before he tore his gaze away hastily. This man was going to be the death of him.


	5. Not A Date

Ayana was ecstatic about Philip’s date, as she called it. She had dragged him out to the mall nearby to find nice clothes to wear, and he felt like a fool as she made him try on different things. He wasn’t too confident in his appearance, but then again, it wasn’t like he had much of a reason to care what he looked like. Besides, despite what Ayana said, it wasn’t a date. He was simply spending some quality time with a friend, and nothing more. Surely Evan would have specified if it was a date. Right? The American wouldn’t assume their innocent meeting to be more than that. As the long-haired man exited the dressing room for what seemed like the millionth time, he turned to where Ayana was waiting, scratching impatiently at the back of his neck. 

“Well? Is this good enough?” Philip crossed his arms, breathing out a sigh of relief as Ayana’s expression brightened. Who knew that red was his color? The maroon shirt paired with some form-fitting dark jeans was definitely the winning outfit. Admittedly, as Ayana dragged him to the fitting room’s mirror to get a better look at himself, Philip had to admit that he looked nice. Handsome, even. It brought a smile upon his lips; it had been much too long since he’d found himself to be attractive in any way, shape, or form. Back at their motel room, Philip found himself growing increasingly nervous as he waited for Evan to pick him up. Would he forget? What if he had decided not to waste his time with a nobody like Philip? 

“Phil, breathe.” Ayana’s voice cut through his thoughts, and the tall man released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He pushed his fingers through his dreads, which hung loose around his shoulders rather than being in the usual half-ponytail he wore. Even as his friend reassured him and encouraged him to be confident, Philip was slipping. His posture dripped with nervousness, his hands trembled, and no amount of breathing exercises seemed to help. Shaking his head, the man sank onto his bed, his head in his hands and a nervous groan leaving his lips.

“Aya, I don’t know if I can do this. What if I make a fool of myself? He will never want to see me again.” Despite his tone being heavy with worry and of the utmost seriousness, he heard his roommate giggle, and he lifted his head to glare at her. He failed to see how any of this was amusing to her. Sighing, she flashed the man a smile, coming over to sit beside him and rest her head upon his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Phil, but you are overthinking this too much. You are silly without even trying, and if Evan knows that about you, he will probably find it endearing. You are not going to make a fool of yourself, you big baby.” Philip tried to glare at Ayana again for her unabashed name calling, but instead broke into a laugh as she made a face at him. He lightly shoved her, in turn making her shove him back, but harder. Feigning defeat, Ojomo grabbed his pillow, whipping back around to smack his adoptive sister with it. She shrieked, grabbing her own pillow and whipping him over the head.

The doorbell startled both of them, and their laughter faded as a soft knock followed suit. Philip was on his feet in an instant, smoothing his clothes down and brushing his dreads out of his face. With a glance at Ayana and a deep breath, the tall male approached the door, unlocking it and opening it with a smile. Evan, always the chivalrous and kind soul, greeted him before he could say a word.

“It’s good to see you, Philip.” The American’s deep blue eyes flicked up and down over the taller man, “You’re dressed up nicely for this evening.” Evan’s compliment, followed by a warm smile on his part, had Philip blushing like a nervous high-schooler again. The African’s eyes traveled slowly over Evan, over the navy blue button-up he wore, the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up neatly to his elbows, and the black jeans that seemed a little too tight in certain areas. If Evan had noticed how meticulously and obviously Philip was studying him, he didn’t mention it.

“You look good as well, Evan.” Philip’s response pulled a pleased smile from the burly man, and rather than replying, he held his arm out to Philip in a wordless offer to escort him to his car. If the darker male’s heart was beating any faster, it would have burst out of his chest. Glancing back at Ayana, who waved him on eagerly, he took Evan’s arm, gently shutting the door behind them. The taller male took a deep breath of the warm afternoon air, appreciating the warm breeze as it touched his skin. Evan’s car, which Philip now knew was a Bentley (his father had been a car fanatic), was painted black and sparkled in the sunlight as it shone through the gaps between the buildings and the clouds in the sky. Like the gentleman Philip knew him to be, Evan opened the passenger side door of the car, gesturing for him to get in. With a shy smile, the man complied.

The car ride to the restaurant Evan had picked out for them was a short one, and Philip was quick to relax into the comfortable seat of the car despite only having been there a short time. It was easy to relax around Evan, despite his large, intimidating stature and the scar on his lips and jaw that made him seem rugged and maybe a bit scary to anyone who was unaware of how kindhearted he was. 

Philip glanced at Evan every now and again, at the snug way his clothes fit him, at the way he’d so nicely styled his hair, at the way the veins in his hands bulged for seemingly no reason as he held onto the steering wheel of his car. Mentally, he cursed himself. He found Evan to be unbelievably attractive, and he could no longer deny it. Everything about him, from the way he carried himself so confidently to the blue depths of his eyes, seemed to pull Ojomo closer to him, like a magnetic force that was growing stronger and stronger as time went on. 

“Philip, are you quite alright?” Evan’s voice startled Philip from his trance, and the man gazed down at his lap, fidgeting a bit in his seat as the car pulled in and parked at the restaurant. Philip wasn’t too sure he wanted to ask the question that had been plaguing his mind. What if Evan was repulsed by his assumption of their meeting being more than platonic? What if the MacMillan man grew angry with him? The thought made the darker male’s skin crawl. The last time he’d dared to speak up and made someone angry with him, he’d ended up with a permanent scar on his eyebrow, and emotional and mental wounds that would never fully heal. 

“Is this a date?” The words were blurted out of Philip’s mouth before he could stop himself. Evan’s blue eyes widened momentarily, and he could already feel his anxiety rising and filling his chest as a long moment of silence stretched out between the two men. It was finally broken with a soft sound, and a glance at Evan’s lips told Philip the older man was laughing. His lips were parted in a smile, his deep blue eyes shining with amusement. Confusion twisted Philip’s features until Evan finally responded.

“Well, I hadn’t explicitly thought of it as one, but I suppose it can be.” The American’s eyes caught Philip’s gaze and held it, golden-brown meeting ocean blue. “Do.. you want it to be a date?” The softly spoken question made Philip’s heart skip a beat in his chest. After a mere few moments of quiet consideration, he nodded slowly, looking nervous but confident in his answer. He smiled shyly, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck.

“I.. like you a lot, Evan. I have made other friends in America, but none of them are the same as you. I have not been in many relationships nor have I dated very much. But I would like to date you, and this I am sure of.” The warm smile that formed on Evan’s face instantly melted away Philip’s anxieties, and the younger man’s heart pounded in his chest as Evan reached for and took hold of his hand. God, this man was going to be the death of him.

“I’m glad you feel that way, Philip, because otherwise this would be a really awkward date.” The two shared a heartfelt and warm laugh, and Philip sighed, gazing endearingly at Evan. He’d forgotten entirely about Azarov’s warning, and his insistence that he spy on the man. Right now, all that mattered was the newfound warmth that was spreading throughout Philip’s body from head to toe. Exiting the car, Evan was quick to walk around to open and close Philip’s door for him, and even offered his arm for Philip to take hold of as he exited the car. The MacMillan man’s gentlemanly behavior was unfamiliar yet not foreign to Philip. He just simply hadn’t been on the receiving end of such kind and chivalrous actions. It was nice to be treated like he was important. Like he truly mattered to someone other than Ayana. He’d missed the feeling more than he was willing to admit to himself. 

They entered the restaurant side by side, Evan flashing Philip that signature charming smile of his and making the taller man absolutely melt. Even with his scarred lips and jaw, Evan had a delightful smile, one that made Philip’s insides fill with unprecedented joy. As they were escorted to their seats, Ojomo took a few moments to gaze around the restaurant. He was worried for a moment that this place would be too expensive, judging by the silver chandeliers and the fancy tapestries and carpet. What kind of a restaurant dared to use carpet? But, he reminded himself of the Bentley that was parked out front and quickly brushed the thought away. If Evan couldn’t afford to take him out, he wouldn’t have. Yet again, the darker male felt like the luckiest man in the world. Evan was much too kind to him.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. What happened there?” Philip looked up from his menu at the sound of Evan’s voice. The man gestured towards the scar that split Philip’s eyebrow and went up to his forehead. Instantly, he reached up to trace along the scar in a self-conscious manner. 

“It was given to me by someone in my life that I trusted very much. I.. might’ve even loved him. I didn’t fight back, and I paid for that with this.” Philip tapped the marred skin along his brow, a soft sigh exiting his nose. He didn’t much like to talk or reminisce about Zane. The bad memories had overtaken the good ones long ago. 

“I’m.. very sorry to hear that, Philip.” A moment of silence, not entirely awkward but also not very comfortable, stretched out between the two men. Thankfully, Evan broke the silence.

“I got my scars from someone close to me as well. My father, to be more specific. When he got sick, he was often delirious and wouldn’t recognize me at first to the point where he’d think I was a stranger in his home.” Evan’s eyes flashed with pain, the first negative emotion Philip had seen on the man’s face. He didn’t hesitate to reach across the table to give the burly man’s hand a comforting squeeze. He was rewarded with a warm smile from the MacMillan man.

“I was visiting him to check up on him and bring him some groceries, but when he saw me, he took the pickax on display above the mantle and swung it at me. Broke my jaw and nearly knocked me unconscious. I’m just lucky it wasn’t too badly broken and the doctors were able to fix me up.” Evan took a moment to let his words sink in. His blue eyes were downcast.

“That’s terrible! I’m sorry you had to go through that, Evan.” Philip was rather horrified at the knowledge that Evan’s own father had done that to him. He couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like.

“It’s in the past, and he succumbed to his illness years ago. I’ve made my peace with it. The scars are unfortunate, though.” Evan hummed softly as Philip’s eyes were drawn to the gruesome scars that marked the American man’s face.

“If it’s any consolation, I think you are very handsome, scars and all.” Evan’s gaze locked onto Philip’s, and the darker male’s ears and cheeks burned with embarrassment at his own boldness. Evan smirked at him, making his heart flutter in his chest.

“Thank you, Philip. You’re too sweet.” Evan’s response was genuine, his eyes shining and a warm flush residing on his cheeks.

Philip smiled.

~ ~ ~

“Why is she going into the basement? That’s the absolute worst place to go when you’re being chased by a psychopathic killer!” Philip’s urgent whisper caused Evan to snort with laughter beside him. The movie they’d picked out was some high-end horror film about a horribly disfigured man with a sledgehammer and a chainsaw who was terrorizing a group of teens that had wandered onto his farm. 

Evan shifted beside Philip, and the younger man blinked rapidly with surprise, momentarily distracted from the movie as he felt a strong arm wrap around him from behind. He glanced at the man beside him, heat rising to his face as he was met with Evan’s warm blue gaze. After a mere two minutes of hesitation, Philip gave in to his desires and leaned into the embrace, flipping the chair arm up between them so he could rest his head upon Evan’s shoulder.

Evan was warm, and smelled like some sort of expensive cologne that was intoxicating and sweet yet also earthy and held hints of pine. That, mixed with the scent of minty aftershave, was enough to make it difficult to resist the urge to simply push his face into the man’s neck and inhale his scent. 

Philip flinched as the huge movie theater screen showed the monstrously disfigured man, lurching towards one of the teens and smacking them down with his sledgehammer. The monster proceeded to beat the poor girl to death, and Philip’s brain decided it would be a good time to remind him of how his ex-boyfriend had nearly beaten him to death as well. Bile rose in his throat, and he cursed himself. Their date had been going so well, and his stupid memories were going to ruin it. 

Philip hurriedly excused himself, breaking away from Evan and rushing towards the doors. Evan was left to sit there, staring confusedly after him. Ojomo searched hurriedly for a bathroom, locking himself in a stall and emptying the contents of his stomach from the lunch he’d just had with Evan. Guilt made its way into his mind, creeping coldly into his thoughts. Way to waste Evan’s time and money, Philip. Evan was probably going to be disgusted with him now. 

Wiping at his face with a wad of toilet paper, Philip weakly pushed the handle down to flush his lunch down the drain. He stood on shaky legs, exiting the stall and deciding it would be best to wash his face and mouth out in one of the sinks. And so he did, splashing cold water into his mouth and over his face. A voice from behind startled him as he began to dry his face off.

“Philip, are you okay?” Dread filled the African man’s stomach as he turned to face Evan. He threw away the paper towels in his hand, nervously meeting Evan’s gaze. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin everything. This is all my fault..” Philip sighed heavily, unable to look Evan in the eyes for any longer. 

“What are you talking about? You haven’t ruined anything, Philip. Today has been the best day I’ve had in a long time, and that’s because I’ve been able to spend it in your company. I’m not angry, not at all. I just got worried when you left so suddenly. I thought you were upset that I put my arm around you without asking first, which I shouldn’t have done.” Evan looked crestfallen and deeply concerned for the taller male, and that alone slowly melted away the icy fear and guilt that had been clawing at Philip’s emotions. 

“It wasn’t you, Evan. It’s not your fault. I just.. I’m messed up. In here.” Philip tapped at his temple, smiling sadly. He was touched that Evan was so concerned for him, but at the same time he hated to admit just how broken he was.

“I am broken, Evan, and I’m unsure as to whether or not I can be better. I’m a shell of what I used to be and I understand if you don’t want to have to deal with me like this.” A sigh escaped Philip’s lips, and he wished desperately that he could just be normal. He hated the way he would flinch at the sight of anyone who was overly muscular and dark-skinned. He hated how easily he got sick and how weak he was when trying to keep his anxiety in check. Why would anyone want to deal with his shit?

“Stop. Stop that, right now.” Evan’s voice was stern, yet soft, so as to not scare the younger man. He spoke as if talking to a wounded animal, and hey, maybe that’s what Philip needed.

“What happened in the past doesn’t matter. That trauma you have is in no way your fault, nor do I blame you for it. You are not a burden, and you are not too broken for me. If you could see yourself the way I see you, you’d understand. You are so kindhearted and sweet, Philip. Your smile lights up the room and every time I see you, all's right in my world.” Evan’s words brought a warm tingle to Philip’s spine, and the younger man stood there, eyes shining and lips curled into a smile.

“Come on, let’s get outta here.” Evan held his hand out expectantly, and Philip took it without a second thought. Thankfully, they made their way out to Evan’s car, rather than back into the theater. The summer evening was chilly, making the younger man shiver, and heat rose to Philip’s cheeks as Evan slid his black leather jacket off and hung it on the taller man’s shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof this chapter is way longer than the rest but at least it's finally done! i wrote the other chapters in early december but hopefully i don't take another writing hiatus. fingers crossed.


	6. Out Here, With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big thanks to erin for helping me out w/ finally getting this chapter done. i stalled it for way too long lmao.

Soft music played on the radio of Evan’s car as the older man drove them through the city. Traffic wasn’t too bad, thankfully, but it was still New York, so that wasn’t saying much. Philip tapped his foot along softly to the music, the lights of the city reflected in his golden-brown eyes as he stared out the window. Evan’s hand found his own, and held it with the gentlest grasp Philip had ever felt. The younger of the two men lightly squeezed back, glancing at Evan to see a smile on his lips.

“Where are we going?” Philip finally asked the question that had been plaguing his mind since they’d gotten into the car. He gazed at Evan expectantly, but the man simply grinned and brushed his thumb over the back of his hand as he held it.

“You’ll see.” Unfortunately, because he was so new to the city, having only lived there for not yet two months, Philip didn’t know his way around very well, and so, Evan’s answer didn’t do much to feed his curiosity. So, instead of staring out the window, he decided a better pastime would be staring at Evan whilst he had the chance to. Golden eyes glanced over the American man’s pale, smooth skin, watching the protruding veins in his arms that went all the way down to his hands. His hands, which looked strong and were larger than Philip’s own. The younger man knew them to be soft and gentle despite their tough appearance- kind of like Evan himself.

“Enjoying the view, Philip?” Evan’s voice brought a soft blush and a shy smile to Philip’s face, and he couldn’t help but nod eagerly as the other man glanced at him. Now that he was certain that his feelings of attraction for Evan were reciprocated, it made it so much easier to openly admire him and let his guard down like he was now.

“Thought so.” A low chuckle came from the MacMillan man, who seemed to be silently plotting something without Philip’s knowledge. He was curious, but hey, if Evan wanted to surprise him with something, he wasn’t going to press him on it and ruin the surprise. 

Soon enough, the buildings on either side of the road thinned out, only to be replaced by trees and fields of golden crops. It was admittedly a pleasant change in scenery, and the rolling hills and wide open fields caused a pang of homesickness to occur in Philip. He wondered if his mother missed him. He missed her, that was unquestionable. He often wondered if his parents were okay without him.

“We’re here.” Evan’s voice broke through Ojomo’s thoughts, extinguishing his homesick thoughts in favor of turning his attention to the wooded area Evan had parked in. Feeling confused as he saw nothing but trees and foliage, Philip opened his mouth to ask where exactly they were, but Evan had already opened his door and exited the vehicle. Philip got out as well, Evan’s leather jacket sliding off of his shoulders and onto the car seat. It was a little chilly as the sun fell lower and lower in the sky, but he didn’t want to snag the expensive-looking article of clothing on any branches or get any dirt or leaf litter on it.

“Where exactly is here?” Philip approached Evan, taking the arm that was immediately offered to him and looking down at the man who walked beside him. Evan seemed to know where he was going, but as they walked through the wooded path, the light of the setting sun casting shadows that stretched out ominously, a chill went up and down Philip’s spine. 

“Look.” Evan urged him simply as they left the cover of the trees, and the younger man was nervous but eager to comply. A grassy clearing stretched ahead before falling away in a smooth slope, continuing on to the fields they’d driven past only minutes ago. And way out here, up on the slope and surrounded by nature, was the most beautiful view of the city he’d gotten in the two months he’d lived there. 

As the two men approached the dropoff, Philip could see the skyline of the buildings against the pink and orange sky, and the light that shone onto the fields of green and gold that stretched outwards from the city. Philip sat slowly in the grass, the setting sun bathing him in its warmth and relaxing him. He was entranced by the sight before him, so mesmerized that he barely took notice of Evan sitting beside him, and only turned to look at him as their fingers intertwined.

Such a simple yet meaningful act sent waves of warmth to wash over the younger man, and the light of sunset reflected in Evan’s oceanic eyes made a long-forgotten warmth bubble up in Philip’s chest.

“It’s beautiful.”

“What is? Me, or the sunset?” 

“A little bit of both.”

Evan gave a hearty laugh at Philip’s open flirting. A blush rose to the darker man’s cheeks.

“Don’t laugh at me! I’m not good at this stuff.” Philip crossed his arms, averting his eyes from Evan’s. He couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed. He was trying his best, and Evan was seemingly making fun of him for it. However, the American was quick to cease his laughter and grasp Philip’s hand in his own.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just nice to see you opening up to me. I was hoping you’d eventually let me in.” Silence ensued after Evan’s admission. Philip’s hand went limp in Evan’s grasp. Was he really that closed off? Zane had hurt him, yes, but he didn’t like to think that he’d reverted back to the shy and nervous boy he’d been all throughout his childhood.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be like this. Someone.. someone hurt me, once before. I opened up my heart to him and all I had to show for it was bruises.” Philip tried to pull his hand away from Evan, feeling fear rise in him as the older man didn’t release him immediately. Instead, he felt himself being pulled into a tight hug, Evan’s burly arms holding him to his chest whilst giving him no room to escape or protest.

“Evan..” As Philip looked up, and saw the look in the other man’s eyes, his fears and doubts melted away, giving way to something warm, something he had longed for since he’d first broken up with Zane.

New love was admittedly a strange feeling. The growing sparks of hope, the warmth blossoming in your heart out of seemingly nowhere. It was as sweet as the golden honey that oozed from honeycombs, and as terrifying as the feeling of falling blindly through an endless and dark void. All of these feelings and emotions seemed to take place in Philip at once, and it was overwhelming to say the least. The younger man relaxed, body going slack in Evan’s embrace. 

“I’ve got you. It’s alright. You’re here with me, and nobody is going to hurt you.” Philip was sure Evan was trying to comfort him by saying that, but he couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes. He didn’t deserve someone like Evan. He wasn’t good enough, he’d never be good enough. A large hand moved through his dreads and over his back in a gentle and comforting manner. 

“Would talking about it help? I know it sounds hard, but maybe it’ll help you let go of what’s holding you back.” Evan waited patiently for him to reply, which Philip was grateful for. He subtly wiped his eyes, sitting up and moving slightly away from Evan as the older man’s arms fell away. He might’ve appreciated the hug, but he wasn’t going to be coddled. He still had a scrap of dignity somewhere.

“I can try. Are you sure you want to hear about it?” Philip’s misty amber eyes met with Evan’s vivid aquamarine ones. The older man nodded with certainty, holding his hand out for Philip if he needed or wanted to take it. Their fingers locked together almost instantly. A grateful smile was given to the MacMillan man.

“I used to be very timid and shy back when I was a kid. I didn’t have friends, and my mother smothered me because she was worried about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hide me away from the world, and I know she loves me, but it made things worse. I didn’t have my first real friends until my freshman year of college. Well.. my only year of college.” Philip inhaled shakily, reaching up to massage his temples. 

“I met Zane and Ayana on my first day. They were both kind to me, and I had never had friends before, so I stuck with them. Zane and I grew closer over time, and he became my first boyfriend. We were together for around eight months, and he never asked me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. But we were staying at his cabin for the summer, just the two of us, and- and he-” Philip broke off, covering his face with his free hand and shaking his head. Evan’s clear blue eyes widened with concern. Philip’s hand was given a gentle yet firm squeeze. 

“It’s alright, Philip. I’m here to listen, not to judge you or make you feel bad about your past. You’re safe to talk to me.” A kiss placed upon his knuckles had Ojomo blushing like mad. How was it that Evan always knew what to say and what to do to ease his mind and soothe his anxieties?

“I never told him no. I didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop it. I was so scared, I- I felt like I had to, because I loved him, and he was trying so hard to be gentle with me, and couples are expected to have sex, right? It would have been selfish of me to refuse, and Zane had always been so good to me, but.. my god, it hurt. It was painful and terrifying and I just wanted it to be over. I never told him. I was afraid of what he’d think of me, and when he finally forced me to tell him, I realized I was right to be afraid.” Tears cascaded down Philip’s cheeks, and he sobbed quietly, unable to stop himself. Recounting the traumatic events was taking a big toll on the younger man. 

“He beat me, and he told me I was stupid and nobody would want to be with me if I kept acting so childish. I thought he was going to kill me, and I barely got away. Ayana brought me with her to the States to get away from those bad memories and any chance I had of running into Zane. Without her, I.. I don’t think I would be okay mentally, and I certainly wouldn’t have met you. She’s the best non-biological sister I could ask for.” Philip smiled through his tears, wiping them slowly and looking to Evan. The larger man was clearly troubled by the information given to him by Philip, and the darker man felt a spike of anxiety in his chest.

A hand resting upon his cheek was a surprisingly welcome touch, and Philip leaned into it, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Evan gently brushed his tears away, his pale thumb stroking Philip’s cheek with a loving tenderness. 

“It wasn’t your fault. None of it was. The abuse you suffered, the way he treated you. And he never asked for audible consent, did he? So it falls on him, not you, Phil. You did nothing wrong, and I’m proud of you for having the courage to speak up about all of this now. It must’ve been hard, but you still did it, and that takes some bravery to do.” Evan’s gaze softened as he spoke, Philip’s body relaxing as Evan’s words sank in. He had thought for so long that the incident with Zane had been his fault, and part of him still felt that way, but he was deeply reassured by Evan’s words of comfort. The man had a point, after all. 

Rather than replying with words, Philip’s hands found their way to Evan’s neck, his thumbs brushing over the stubble on the man’s jaw. With an uncharacteristic surge of courage, he tilted his head and leaned in, connecting his lips with Evan’s in a chaste and sweet kiss. Sparks flew in the darker man’s chest and his mind, and he felt warm all over. Evan’s lips were soft and smooth, save for the marred skin of his scar, which didn’t much bother Philip at all. Kissing the American man was one of the best things he’d ever experienced. 

Evan’s large hands found their way to Philip’s waist, one resting there before sliding up to touch the darker man’s face in a gentle caress. Their lips moved together in sync, and Philip had no doubts, no second guesses as to what he was feeling and what he wanted from Evan. Their soft kiss continued, never escalating, never progressing into something else. The sun set, the stars came out. It was just Evan and Philip, together, embracing each other and kissing like they’d been waiting to do so for all of their lives.


End file.
